Camping + My Not So Wildest Dreams

I went camping for the first time! Went up to a place called Carrizo Plains which is about 2 hours North, going towards Fresno. Made a (possibly illegal) fire pit because all the fire pits were taken. On the first night, we cooked some steak on the propane grill, toasted Marshmallows (yorm!) on our (maybe) illegal fire, and tried to tell scary stories and decided to talk about poo and farts instead.

I will post the pictures when I get them from Mountain Man John.

Overall, it was so much fun!!!! And I can't wait to go again. Best part... was the next day when we went hiking to the San Andreas fault, visited these weird salt lakes, and climbed rocks that looked like penises.

On the rock climbing, we didn't use any ropes or professional equipment, we just climbed... and I have to say that I felt like an old man compared to these kids I went with. I was there with Mountain Man John and four 13-14 year old kids who all call me 'Robert Teacher'. (I call him Mountain Man John because of the first thing he ever said to me. At his daughter's birthday, he comes up to me, and does not say hi, or hello--nice to meet you--what's your name? ... he says to me "...Wanna see some Bear meat?" and proceeds to show me a freezer full of bear meat.)

These kids were just running up these rocks, finding footing somehow on these completely vertical climbing surfaces... And this is where I had my most cowardly moment. As I saw these kids running up these rocks like the little Asian ninjas that they were, I had to prove to them that 'Robert teacher'... is a Robert MAN. We climbed up a few dirt covered hills, but the real challenge was to get to the very TOP. It was like getting to Pride Rock from the Lion King... if Pride Rock was almost vertical and looked kinda like a penis. This did not go very well. I proceeded to climb slowly and carefully, and as I was doing this, I could hear the kids encouraging me to keep going.

John was giving me very sage like kung fu movie advice: "do not picture the steps you have to take to get to the top... picture being on the top, and you will get there".

So as I lifted my right foot, and jumped up, I immediately knew that I was not gonna make it. Miraculously, I hung on for a good 20 seconds. Both feet were now up on the side of this thing, and although, I had zero confidence at first, I now had... maybe 3.5 confidence?

20 seconds later I could feel the tiny pebbles, that were giving the soles of my feet the grip needed to hang on, slowly start to roll down. Go into any parking lot that isn't newly paved, and slowly scrape your shoes. That's the sound I was making, followed by what can only be described as the frightened squeal from a 5 year old girl. To make matters worse, my whole body was clinging onto the side of this rock, and my shirt was riding up my stomach as I was falling. And on top of that I only fell (slowly and undramatically) for about 5 seconds. But to be fair! Count out 5 seconds right now! . . . . . It's totally long.

sigh... who am I kidding, I wasn't even falling. I was dragging down the side of this thing. Of course as I looked to my left, John was smiling and holding a camera. So this ordeal was captured in 12 megapixels of SHAME. I eventually made it to the top, and sat down on the buttcrack. (There was this indentation on the top of this rock, of a person's butt. My theory is that, many years ago, some Native American just sat at the top of this thing, on the same spot, every day of his adult life. And eventually immortalized himself---er at least his butt) . So again, I will post the pictures when John emails them to me... they're quite funny.

Now that I've told you all the highlights of my awesome camping/embarrassing rock climbing trip , I want to end with some of my dreams, and goals in life.

I have this one very attainable dream of dressing up as Bert (from Sesame Street) on Halloween, but I have yet to find an Ernie... You see, I need an Ernie because if I dress up as Bert and only Bert, then I'm just an Asian with a unibrow wearing a striped v-neck sweater over a white turtleneck.



Another dream I have is getting my Fail Blog submission posted...

If you see it posted on Fail Blog, lemme know! I totally scanned my comic book and sent it in.
lol, what an adult situation... 0_0

Good Night Blogspot